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I’m a shallow ignoramus <3
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“H&M Fashion Against Aids”
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I hate the man who is my ”father”. He doesn’t even deserve that title. He never was around, he left, well, pretty much ran-away when I was less than a month old, leaving me and my mum alone to live with my grandparents. He’s a teenager stuck in a mans body. He left because he’d rather drink and get stoned, fool around with other women, and live a life dependent on his families wealth and generosity instead of holding down an actual stable job. I don’t look down on his life style. It’s his life, I get that, he’s entitled to do what he wants with it. It’s just not fair though, helping to bring me into this world, and then just ditching me like one of the 100 projects he started but never finished. I don’t need a father. I just, sometimes wish I had a dad. To help my mum out when things get tough, I don’t know how my mum raises 3 kids by herself, while holding down a full time job. I also want a dad, because, well, I’m jealous, I never had someone to teach me sports, or show me how to ride a bike, no one to crack inappropriate jokes with, or back me up when my mums being unreasonable. I had my grandfather, in all truth he was like my father figure until I left for China when I was 4, but when I came back, at 7, he wasn’t the same man anymore. Alzheimers had chewed him up, taken away one of the most important people in my life. Nowadays, he can barely remember my name, or who I am. He yells at my grandmother, he threatens violence, he never was like this, never would say such things back when he was fully himself. I hate the fact that I’ve come to despise him now, I know it’s not his fault, it’s the disease. I wish I could have him back. That, or I wish I had a dad. I feel like I’ve missed out. I just never was important enough for my spermdonor/father/idiot-man-who-shares-genes-with-me to care or love.
